A Little Bump Update

So like I announced we are having another baby! Its been a little bit stressful (have you read any of my previous posts from the last 3 months?) Basically I had originally found out I was pregnant last november. I was soooo excited and even posted it on my blog. Well it wasn't long before the word got out so I felt like I might as well announce it on facebook. The pregnancy was kind of weird. I had really bad body aches like someone had beat me up EVERY day. I went to the dr at 8 weeks and although its really a long stretch they decided to listen for a heartbeat...nothing. No big deal, most drs won't even try until the 12th week when they most def should hear a heartbeat. For some reason I just didn't feel pregnant (never felt that way with the previous two) and I would tell Evan and he would just say I'm worrying over nothing. Then at about 9 weeks I started spotting. I just KNEW this was going to happen. It was hard for the first 2 days, and I felt kind of like I did after I gave birth. My horomones were whiplashing, one minute I would cry and the next be completely fine. I was sad about it all but I kind of felt prepared for the whole thing. It didn't take long for things to even out, and I went in weekly for blood tests to make sure my hcg levels were going down. Every time I am pregnant I jump 10 pounds in the first month.Thats usually one of my signs that I am pregnant. I had already gained my fated 10 and so I was trying and trying to lose it before we started trying again. I dieted and exercised every day. I would jump on the scale and see that I gained a pound...what the?!? The next 2 pounds...then I wouldn't budge for a couple days then gain again! Everyone kept saying it was probably muscle but I know my body and I always drop right away and then gradually lose weight after that. I thought since I never had a miscarriage before that maybe my body was doing something weird. A couple weeks later I jumped on the scale and there it was...the dreaded 10 pound mark. So not only had I put on 10 pounds from before...I had added another 10 pounds to that. I cried and cried and finally decided that I would take a pregnancy test just to see what was going on. There it was..Positive.

I was happy, but wasn't extremely excited. I showed Evan and he felt about the same. We decided not to tell anyone until I reached a safe point. As you could imagine adding 20 pounds to a short frame gives people all kinds of ideas. I had one lady say are you expecting AGAIN?! Even though I was, I was so ticked about it that I lashed out and yelled back at her NO! Not only were my horomones going out of whack, I felt like crap. I was having some stomach problems before but because of the beauty of slower digestion due to pregnancy I felt like I had holes all over in my stomach. I was in pain, I was naseous, I was a wreck. I went to my first dr appt at 9 weeks. My dr decided to try the doppler but reminded me that we most likely were not going to hear anything but because I had a miscarriage she didn't know if my cycle was the same and when I actually concieved. Soon we were listening and there it was...a heartbeat! I felt a little relief but still wasn't as excited as I normally would be. My dr told me that it was perfectly normal that until I get to a point where I felt the pregnancy would turn out ok, that I would be a little disconnected from it. She sent me to get an ultrasound at 10 weeks and I got to see the little baby inside kick and squirm around. It was amazing to see that it had arms and legs and it actually looked like a real baby, not just a blob. Again this made me feel a little better, but not totally ok. We decided to tell our parents at this point because even if I did have a miscarriage again, at least I would have some support from someone.

I started getting kind of depressed because I wanted to tell people but I didn't want to jinx myself. I felt isolated and alone and because I was sick and throwing up a lot I was just miserable. Everyone was annoucing they were pregnant left and right. I kept asking Evan if we should tell people...he was worried about me and didn't know what the right answer was so he went to the default of our original desision not to tell until we knew everything was going to be ok...not like 12 weeks ok...but 20 weeks ok. I started getting a little scared that if I did lose this baby that no one would know what was wrong with me and I would have absolutely no support. I felt that being almost 14 weeks was safe enough and told Evan that I was going to announce it. Maybe that would help me (I hoped). Because we had such a wonderful Easter weekend I felt really good being outside and felt a lot more excited about having a baby. I thought up a poem and posted it. I felt like I had confirmed it and that it was really going to happen! I feel so much better and so much more connected to the baby (I've even felt him/her kick!)

I had my 14 week appointment yesterday and everything is still looking great. I got to hear the heartbeat again and it was wonderful! We are so excited and have no hopes for one gender or the other. I am just so excited to hold a tiny, soft, fuzzy baby again!