Getting out of control

Start, give up, start, give up, start, give up. Why do I follow this pattern?! I really need to lose some weight..in fact I should lose about 50 pounds in order to be in my ideal weight catagory for my height.

Before I had kids it was so easy for me to decide something and stick to it. I would only let my weight get about 10 pounds over where I wanted to be then I would kick it back into gear. I've created a bad habit for myself. I am a yo yo dieter, something that my sisters and I have learned from my mom. Growing up my mom did those all liquid diets, and actually still does to this day. When she got to the weight she wanted, she went off the diet and it all came back on, then she started over.

Now its not just her fault. I KNOW this is bad for me, but I love food. All kinds of food. It seems like everything in this life revolves around food. I get so bored just sitting in front of the tv doing workout videos. Summer is great and it helps me get out and moving but its also filled with the best food! I would pass up Thanksgiving and Christmas just to have my summer food. BBQ, funnel cakes, corn dogs...mmmm summer food.

Now that I've got 2 children, its so hard for me to stick to anything for more than a day. I will wake up in the morning, weigh myself, almost have a heart attack, then decide to do something about it. I'm fine until about 3:00 hits. I've eaten my food and start sifting through the healthy snacks. Nothing seems to hit the spot. I start getting a little depressed then Evan gets home from work. I think ok he knows nothing of my plan so lets have a yummy 7 course dinner because I'm STARVING!! Then the cycle starts over.

Before I was married I could keep myself busy and almost forget to eat, especially in college. You know the freshman 15? well I'm kind of in that club....except instead of gaining, I lost 15 pounds! Then I got married and it became a little harder but not much. We were still free to run around, ride bikes, pretty much do whatever we wanted. Eating was the challenge. I had to remember to feed a husband therefore always remembered to feed myself. Luckily it was only really for one meal a day because the rest of the time he was at work. Now with my children I am always fixing meals, always digging for snacks to feed their bottomless pits. Its seems like my stomach is also a bottomless pit, but without the same functioning metabolism.

I need some help. Some way to stick to this. To change my life. I need to lose the weight and then MAINTAIN. How do I do this? How do I make myself commit? Well I'm a little worried about doing this but if it will help me be accountable then maybe its for the best, I'll post my goal online. Starting today I'm going start eating healthy and exercise to lose weight. I only want to lose about 20 pounds because we are going to try for another baby once I do. I will continue to eat healthy and exercise (but not to lose) so if/when I actually get pregnant I can keep my body in its best condition.

I hope posting and being held accountable for it will help me achieve this goal.