Getting out of control

Start, give up, start, give up, start, give up. Why do I follow this pattern?! I really need to lose some weight..in fact I should lose about 50 pounds in order to be in my ideal weight catagory for my height.

Before I had kids it was so easy for me to decide something and stick to it. I would only let my weight get about 10 pounds over where I wanted to be then I would kick it back into gear. I've created a bad habit for myself. I am a yo yo dieter, something that my sisters and I have learned from my mom. Growing up my mom did those all liquid diets, and actually still does to this day. When she got to the weight she wanted, she went off the diet and it all came back on, then she started over.

Now its not just her fault. I KNOW this is bad for me, but I love food. All kinds of food. It seems like everything in this life revolves around food. I get so bored just sitting in front of the tv doing workout videos. Summer is great and it helps me get out and moving but its also filled with the best food! I would pass up Thanksgiving and Christmas just to have my summer food. BBQ, funnel cakes, corn dogs...mmmm summer food.

Now that I've got 2 children, its so hard for me to stick to anything for more than a day. I will wake up in the morning, weigh myself, almost have a heart attack, then decide to do something about it. I'm fine until about 3:00 hits. I've eaten my food and start sifting through the healthy snacks. Nothing seems to hit the spot. I start getting a little depressed then Evan gets home from work. I think ok he knows nothing of my plan so lets have a yummy 7 course dinner because I'm STARVING!! Then the cycle starts over.

Before I was married I could keep myself busy and almost forget to eat, especially in college. You know the freshman 15? well I'm kind of in that club....except instead of gaining, I lost 15 pounds! Then I got married and it became a little harder but not much. We were still free to run around, ride bikes, pretty much do whatever we wanted. Eating was the challenge. I had to remember to feed a husband therefore always remembered to feed myself. Luckily it was only really for one meal a day because the rest of the time he was at work. Now with my children I am always fixing meals, always digging for snacks to feed their bottomless pits. Its seems like my stomach is also a bottomless pit, but without the same functioning metabolism.

I need some help. Some way to stick to this. To change my life. I need to lose the weight and then MAINTAIN. How do I do this? How do I make myself commit? Well I'm a little worried about doing this but if it will help me be accountable then maybe its for the best, I'll post my goal online. Starting today I'm going start eating healthy and exercise to lose weight. I only want to lose about 20 pounds because we are going to try for another baby once I do. I will continue to eat healthy and exercise (but not to lose) so if/when I actually get pregnant I can keep my body in its best condition.

I hope posting and being held accountable for it will help me achieve this goal.

Pick -Me-Up Please

Have you ever had one of those days...or ever weeks? Well I've been having one of those "months". It seems to be like this every year and I dread January- May. These are the months that drag on the most and I just get depressed. It also seems to be my weight gain months. I really want to live somewhere warm where I can be outside (or inside if I CHOOSE) all year round. I've grown up in Montana so this weather is nothing new to me but it doesn't seem to make it any better. I love going outside and going on walks or playing with the girls, going to the park, getting ice cream but being able to move around enough to burn it off! I live out of town and in a small mobile home so I get cabin fever very easily.

There aren't many activities that my girls can participate in to get us out of the house. We did sign Takara up for gymnastics and she loves the idea of it and talks about it nonstop at home. But when it actually comes time to go to gymnastics she becomes stubborn and won't participate in anything but the balance beam and even then she will not cooperate with instructors who tell her to "dip her toes" "kick her legs" "turn around". She is so stubborn and both Evan and I start getting frustrated. I really want my kids to be outgoing and participate in any activity that they want but Takara is proving to us that we can't MAKE her do anything. Kimi on the other hand would love to participate in anything thats going on. She wants to get in the middle of gymnastics and sometimes I will help her on the floor mats or the small beam and she loves it! She will do somersaults, and even kick her little legs if I tell her on the beam. I just hope that doesn't change from now until she can actually participate.

whats been going on

The last few days I've been a little anxious. I'm making my first wedding cake for my brother on the 18th of this month...talk about nerve racking. The tutu business is going awesome. But I'm getting some orders out of town and right now am trying to figure out the best/cheapest way to ship. I would go with the flat rate boxes but tulle is so light and I don't want people to NOT order because the price starts getting unreasonable when the shipping is tacked on. So I may be looking around for some small boxes to ship my stuff in so that it goes by weight. Anyways this is my dilemma.

Speaking of dilemma, we got to go out on a date last night to the movies. The Dilemma was funny but very annoying. It kept me interested but I wasn't laughing out loud like I'd hoped. Instead I found myself getting more and more irritated with the situation that the characters faced and how they handled it. Stupid I know. I'm a cut to the chase and get it over with kind of person and it just seemed to DRRRAAAAGGG on. But I'm glad I at least had some time with my hubby.

Sometimes I wish we could get out and take a weekend together. We've never been away from the kids over night. They stayed part of one night and that was so Evan and I could do some black friday shopping. We take them everywhere we go and I love it most of the time. But like I said, it would nice if Evan and I could go somewhere, just the two of us.

Today is Superbowl Sunday! We are going to Shane and Traci Kannards house, I can't wait! There is going to be so much food and good company so whats not to be excited for...and I suppose the game..and the commercials!